For Once, Let Go
by A Whisper Of Grace
Summary: Modern AU. Emma picks Henry up from her long-time friend Killian's house after her job has turned his short babysitting role into an overnighter. Written for bisexual-killian-jones


Stopping the car outside of Killian's apartment building, Emma barely had her keys out of the ignition before she was out of her seat, pushing the door closed behind her and starting toward the front door in one swift movement. She'd called ahead so the door unlocked just moments after pressing the buzzer next to his apartment number, and seconds after that she was standing in front of the elevator, pressing the button repeatedly until the damn doors opened.

Standing in front of his door minutes later, she forced herself to stop and take a deep breath before she knocked. It was bad enough that it was almost midnight, she didn't need to look frazzled and frantic too. He was surely angry enough with her as it was - or frustrated, at least - and if she at least looked in control then maybe it wouldn't be too bad.

The door opened and all of her attempts to appear in control flew out the window. "I'm so sorry," she said, pushing past him into his apartment. Dropping her handbag on the couch, she ran her hands through her hair, tightening them into fists, not looking at him. "I thought it was going to be an easy job, a couple of hours at most. But the _bastard_ slipped through my fingers right when I thought I had him -"

"It's fine, love."

"I can't _believe_ I did this to you. I won't ask again, I swear. I'll just make sure to let them know I'm unavailable whenever Mary Margaret's out of town, it'll work out." Squeezing her eyes shut, she let out her breath heavily, trying to smother her guilt. "It won't happen again."

"You know I don't -"

"I can't believe I was so irresponsible," she said, interrupting him and forcing the words out so that she wouldn't have to hear him say it. "What if it had gone on longer? What if you'd had other priorities this week? I'm such an idiot for thinking I could -"

"Emma, _stop._ " Killian's hands settled heavily on her shoulders, pushing her own away from her face and forcing her to look at him. He looked down at her, eyebrow raised, and there was no hint of annoyance or anger in the lines around his eyes. Tiredness, yes, and a hint of amusement, but nothing worse than that. "Take a breath."

She narrowed her eyes at him but his brow only jumped higher, so she rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. As she exhaled, she felt her shoulders relax, the weight of his hands on them more of a comfort than he could imagine. Even so, there was a restless part of her that couldn't settle just yet. "I haven't left him alone for so long before," she admitted quietly.

His expression fell into one of understanding almost instantly. Dropping his hands, he wrapped one of his around one of hers and tugged her down the hallway. Without loosening his grip on her, he pressed the forefinger of his other hand to his lips as the stopped in front of his spare room before swinging open the door. The only light in the room came from the hallway behind them, but she recognised Henry's sleeping form immediately, curled up as he was and covered in blankets. That last bit of unease seeped out of her as she watched him, her fingers tightening around Killian's almost without thought.

They stood there for what must have been a good five minutes, just watching Henry sleep, before Emma pushed back on him gently. Emma moved slowly as they made their way back to the living room, her heart full of the sight of Henry so peaceful, of Killian so clearly unperturbed by his presence. She'd hesitated to call him when she'd first been called in for the job, not wanting to put him out, but she knew that he and Henry had gotten on well every time they'd spent time together. Killian was one of her oldest friends and of course she trusted him with her son for a few hours.

But now she was a few hours plus a day late, and he didn't even seem to mind.

"I called in a favour at work to leave in time to pick him up from playgroup this afternoon," Killian said quietly, leaning back against the breakfast bar. "We spent some time at the park and got ice cream, but I made sure he ate some greens for tea to make up for it." He smiled at her tiredly. "I thought you said parenting was hard, Swan," he teased.

She wasn't sure if it was the playful tone of his voice or the fact that it all just seemed _so easy,_ but Emma swore that she felt her heart swell three sizes just looking at him. "Thank you," she said, her voice thick but she didn't even care. She'd been worried about how put out he must have felt when the babysitting favour turned from a few hours to a day and a half, but she realised that he didn't see it as a pain... He truly enjoyed spending time with Henry. And she knew that Henry absolutely adored him.

As much as she did, she was sure. She'd loved him since high school, but Henry had loved him his whole little life, so maybe they were even?

"It means a lot that you trust me with him," Killian said quietly, interrupting her thoughts but not distracting them, not when he was looking at her with such earnestness. She opened her mouth to protest but his raised hand stopped her. "I know why you were hesitant at first after how he left you, and I know that you feel apart from us sometimes because you have Henry to look after now, but I promise you love, he's no bother at all. It just... it means a lot," he finished simply, shrugging as though he were trying to lessen the importance of his words.

Emma stared up at him, pressing her lips together, trying to gather her thoughts. It was true that she'd kept to herself since Neal had left, but it had absolutely nothing to do with wanting to keep Killian away from her. He really had no clue, did he? "I haven't been distant because I didn't trust you around him," she said, her voice straining around the lump in her throat. "I needed to be sure that I could do this by myself."

"I know," he said quickly.

She couldn't let him continue, else she'd never get the damned words out. They'd lived inside her head for long enough. "I changed, Killian, when I had Henry, and I had to be sure of who I've become. I had to be sure that I'd still want the same things that I'd wanted before."

Killian's face softened as he leaned towards her, so slightly that she wasn't sure he knew that he was doing it. "Which is? What do you want, Emma?"

Was she really doing this?

"I -"

He surged forward at the same time as his hand slid around the back of her neck, pulling her into him as his mouth closed over hers. Her lips parted automatically in a moan as she kissed him back, diving deep into this moment that she'd thought about for years, her fingers digging into his shoulders as she pulled him closer. He was /kissing/ her, she wasn't imagining it, not the taste of him or the smell or the way his other arm slid around her waist to hold her bodily against him. She crowded him against the table but it wasn't close enough, not by far.

When her lungs were bursting she pulled back, burying her forehead against Killian's neck so she wouldn't have to look at him just yet. She could feel his pulse, at least as quick as her own pounding heart. She heard the faint laughter that came from deep within his chest. "I'm really hoping that I didn't misread the situation."

She snorted, leaning back in his arms, but her grin faded to a thoughtful smile when she saw that somehow, his eyes were still full of hesitation. Reaching up, she cupped his cheek, stroking her thumb against his skin and feeling his stubble underneath her fingers. "Killian. I'm in love with you, and I have been since high school. I just wasn't ready to be," she paused, shrugged, "ready for it yet."

His smile settled into something a little more genuine, and she felt his arm tighten around her a little more. "And now?"

"Yes," she said, feeling happiness full to bursting. "Now."


End file.
